i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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