I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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