i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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