i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
