I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
