I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
