There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
