Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
