So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
