I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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