he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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