HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
