is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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