You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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