you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
