Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
