There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
