he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
