My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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