Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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