Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
