whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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