Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
