They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
