Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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