Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
