i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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