note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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