ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
