Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
