the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
