is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
