true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
