i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
