I need help removing her.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Randomize
