Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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