Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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