Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
