Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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