So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
