from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
