Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My underwear smells like fireworks.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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