So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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