before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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