just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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