I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
