A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
