I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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