did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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