Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
