On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
